Audiobook Review: Middle School The Worst Years of my Life by James Patterson

Middle School, the Worst Years of My Life by James Patterson

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Have you ever picked something up just because you've been told the author is amazing, and then after you start reading/listening to it begin to wonder if the world is crazy or if you just have no taste? That is what happened to me when I first started listening to this middle-schooler geared audiobook. Patterson is supposed to be a genius. So many people in my town rave about how amazing his stuff is. So what's wrong with me? Why can't I get into his stuff?

I knew I was in trouble when the intro music (an annoying electric guitar piece) continued even after the narrator started the story which made it difficult to focus on the words. The reader's voice (Bryan Kennedy) was beyond annoying, but I'll say more about that in a minute.

I picked this book up because I have 2 middle-schoolers; my oldest son (who now loves to read) has been stuck in the high fantasy/middle-ages genre. I was hoping this story would be suitable for him to read to get him out of the reading rut. Not that there is anything wrong with fantasy, just I'm running out of options for him at the library. I'm not sure if this book is actually in print or if it is only in audio format (I'm guessing the latter as the main character references the fact that he is talking to me-his listener-through his story on an audiobook--a device I found quite annoying personally) but it doesn't matter. I won't be getting this book out for him. It wasn't anything like what I expected.

What did I expect? Well, this is a James Patterson story, so I expected super short chapters. Score one for me. One chapter was only 1 sentence long. I also expected some cheesy, cliche-laden scenes and dialogue. Two-for-two, go Samantha! What I didn't expect was just HOW cheesy and cliched this story would be. I absolutely HATED the plot. The main character is annoying. Just about all the characters are annoying. Maybe it was the reader's voice that made them that way, but I have a feeling it was just the way the characters were written.

I think there are a few points I should make to explain why I feel this story is so bad.

1) The story is about a boy who is bored in school and decides to play a game he created to make school more fun. The game is to break every rule in the rule book. I know it's a work of fiction meant to entertain our youth, but could you send a worse message? Yeah, you could, but this one was bad enough. And the ending made it even worse.

2) The game the boy creates (Operation RAFE) is ridiculous. My 6th grade son started listening to this book with me and he looked at me and said, "Is this writer for real? Does he actually think a sixth grader would be like that? The kid seems more like a third or fourth grader to me." My 6th grade daughter chimed in her agreeance. I just about fell over at that. My daughter AGREED with her brother! And what they agreed on was that this book was ridiculous. She opted not to listen to it any more after disc 1 and asked me to turn it off when she was in the car with me. This from the book's target audience guys!

3) More about the game...the point system. ????? Really? And the rewards for a million points(?) are absurd. To be honest, I can't even remember them as they were only mentioned once and were so off-the-wall, over-the-top insane, it's just crazy. At this point, even my third grader was scratching his head trying to understand the point system and just what the point was for earning the points.

4) The reader's voice. Oh, the reader's voice. Grating. Annoying. I could say more unpleasant things, but I'll leave it at that. My first grader said the voice reminded him of Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I disagree with that but found it an interesting comparison.

5) If you look past the idiotic game (plot) and were able to suffer through the sound, you come to my next big issue...the ending. Okay, so the kid is a delinquent who is failing out of school, getting into fights, and trying to break rules. So, what should we do with a kid like that? Let's REWARD him with art school. Sure, he gets a punishment of getting expelled and has to complete sixth grade in his mother's diner, but he gets a huge reward with minimal punishment. The supposed authorities let a family tragedy which happened nearly a decade before excuse the kid's behavior and bad choices. I just feel this is giving a really bad message to our kids. Do whatever you want and, no matter how bad/illegal your choices are, everything will work out.

I wasn't the biggest James Patterson fan to begin with, but after this story, I'm even less of a fan. I listened to his Witches & Wizards story (The One Who Is The One - my hubby and I still joke about that) and read a couple of his adult books, but am just not impressed. I think this may be the last J.P. book I pick up.



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Book Review: Ella Bella Ballerina and Cinderella by James Mayhew

Ella Bella Ballerina and Cinderella by James Mayhew

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I know, this isn't my typical genre to review, but as a childcare provider, I read A LOT of children's books. I don't really mind though...at least I'm reading! And I felt I owed this book a review, after all, it's become a treasured story in my house.

One of the latest trends in fiction (especially Young Adult fiction) is to take the fairy tales we grew up reading and reinvent them. Examples of this include Sisters Red & Sweetly by Jackson Pearce, Beastly by Alex Flinn, and the various movies/tv shows filling the screens these days. Why shouldn't children's books follow suite?

I babysit a couple of girls who LOVE Cinderella. The have me read the same Disney story just about every single day.

It has gotten to the point where I've memorized the questions they will ask about each page and can answer them before they even ask. Three weeks ago, I was tired of reading the same story and suggested we go to the library to pick out a new book. The girls were thrilled when they found Ella Bella Ballerina and Cinderella...the combination of the two things they love most...ballerinas and Cinderella! At first, I groaned inside at the thought of having to read this book every day for the next three weeks, but after starting it, I found I really enjoyed the story too. The pictures are sweet and the story is adorable. I had to return the book today...and now we have a new Cinderella book (Cinderella's Dress by Nancy Willard). I hope the new book is as lovely as Ella Bella Ballerina & Cinderella.



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Book Review: The Hidden by Jessica Verday

The Hidden by Jessica Verday

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


Well, the end of yet another series. Maybe I just don't like endings, but this book just didn't seem to hold the same charm for me as did The Hollow.

To start, the book picks up directly where book 2 ended, and (being that I read it half a year or more ago) I felt totally lost. There were several characters (the Revenants) introduced in the later part of book 2 and their involvement in the book 3 continued strong. Only problem was I couldn't remember who they were or why they were there. Details from book 2 weren't reiterated much at all to remind the reader either. So, I had a difficult time just getting into the story.

Then, a new character is introduced and all these things happen and it felt like a whirlwind of inactive activity. Basically, a lot of things happen and not for any real point. Like an overnight trip to an Insane Asylum. Who would do that?? And as any reader of book 1 & 2 could tell you, Abbey anxiously awaits the anniversary of Caspian's death day when he would be 'alive' again and they could touch, so of course that happens...right after 'Senior Prom' on Halloween. (???not even gonna go there!!!) Wouldn't be a teen book without it, right?

And the end? I won't spoil it for those who plan to read the book, but all those whirlwind things end up meaning basically nothing. I'm still confused about the ending too. I guess, somehow, there was time travel involved (some revenant superpower not previously mentioned?), but I'm not really sure how that worked or anything.

SOOooooo, I guess you can tell I'm not a huge fan of The Hidden. I wish that wasn't the case. I mean, I even kept the book out for several days past it's due date and incurred a huge late fine. I really hoped to like this book. I remember really enjoying The Hollows, a lot more than I expected to enjoy it. I remember thinking The Haunted was okay, not as good as book 1 but still worth reading. Book 3? I'm honestly glad I read it, but mostly just so I can take it off my TBR list.



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Book Review: Saving Zoë by Alyson Noel

Saving Zoë by Alyson Noel

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Okay, so I just finished SAVING ZOË by Alyson Noël, like literally…one minute ago. I’ve been thinking about the review I would write for this book a lot. Before I was even half-way through. There are several pros and cons to mention, and I’m still not really sure what rating I would give this book because I’m so torn between those pros and cons. But, as a story goes, Saving Zoë is pretty freaking amazing.

Alyson’s words bring Echo and Zoë to life, which is no small feat seeing as how one of them is already dead. Really. But Zoë’s diary entries bring her back to life so well that not only does Echo feel like she’s close to her sister in a way she never was before, but so does the reader. It’s like, I knew she was going to die, but I kept hoping somehow that it was all just a big mistake. That Zoë wasn’t really dead. So, I guess any story that can do that to the reader, that can pull you in so much that you hope for what you know will be impossible but still…any story that can accomplish such a feat must be pretty darn good.

So what’s my problem with this story? What did I think were cons when I’ve just raved about how awesome the story is? My first issue was just the tone of the narrator. I’ve read two of Alyson Noël’s other series (The Immortals and The Radiance series following the two Bloom sisters) and the narrators sound so similar, I had a really difficult time falling into the characters at first. For the Bloom sisters, it was understandable that they would sound similar. But Echo? Echo sounded so much like Ever and Riley that I found myself kind of angry at Alyson for not giving Echo her own voice. And that’s probably not really fair. It could just be Alyson’s writing voice. That’s how the story comes out of her and it is what it is and I can read it and love it or leave it and not come back for more. But I’ll come back. Because, while the voice may be too similar to other characters for my liking, the story telling is really well done.

This brings me to the next con…my biggest issue with this story. It’s a young adult book which means it’s supposed to be geared toward teenage readers. Again, the voice is definitely achieving that goal, but the content I think is meant for the older YA group. Much older. See, my tweenage daughter started reading this book first and had enough good sense to put it down when it got too heavy, but I’m kind of mad it even went there. The use of drugs and drinking and partying, and the talk about sex being so casual and common, it really upset me. Maybe that’s because I’m a mom now. Maybe that’s because, while I like to believe I’m still 18, I’m really not. I’ve lived that part of my life, made my mistakes, and (hopefully) have learned from them. It pains me to hear about or read about teens going through that crap. And it really makes me mad that the whole scene is glorified and lusted after by the protagonist in this book. I think it sends a really bad message to our girls and boys. Yeah, so in the end, things get semi-straightened out and it seems like the kids realize the dangers of drug abuse and promiscuity, but the message heard loudest and clearest is that it was fun for a time. So that is my biggest issue with Saving Zoë. Maybe I’m way off base getting so prickly about it, but I can’t put aside the fact that I am a mom now (granted maybe a little overly-protective) and always will be. It’s the only job title I’ll never be able to change.

Because of that issue, I can't give this book a 5 star, or even a 4 star. And I highly recommend only those ages 17+ read it. It really is a great story with some good lessons but only if your brain isn't still just impressionable mush.



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Book Review: Firelight by Sophie Jordan

Firelight by Sophie Jordan

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I read this book earlier this year in April.  I loved it so much that I gave it to my daughter to read, and she loved it too.  I recently got book 2 for her from the library (which she devoured in a day) and, upon her recommendation, re-read book 1 before starting book 2.  Not that the reader needs a refresher for book 2, but because book 1 is  just so amazing.  Now, I normally don't like to re-read books, especially not when I've read it so recently and have such a long list of to-be-read books already, but I'm so glad I did!

Sophie Jordan is an amazing storyteller.  The tension she created between Jace and Will is swoon worthy.  Jace's own confusion regarding her feelings (what they mean for her and what she's willing to do for them) leaves the reader anxious to find out what happens next.  And the world of dragons and hunters she introduced is fascinating - ancient and mysterious yet so believable as to seem real.

Every decision Jace makes has consequences, some good, some bad, some really bad.  The decision to break a rule and fly in the morning sky starts the action in this story.  It acts as a snowball released at the top of a mountain, gaining volume and velocity as it speeds down, causing an avalanche with truly devastating effects.  I loved the cliffhanger at the end of book 1.  It left me heartbroken, hopeful, and anxious to read more.  I'm so glad I have book 2 (Vanish) to start right away, as I'm looking forward to learning more about the world of dragons and what Jace's decisions mean for the pride.  But my daughter says Vanish's ending will have me dying to get my hands on book 3 (Hidden), which Sophie just finished revising but won't be available until next year sometime.  She also claims Vanish will have me changing teams, but I'm devoted to Will.  I mean, he made her breakfast!  We shall see...

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Oddities & Factoids #1

As promised, here is the first little bit about me.  I decided, since this is the first one, to tell you something personal but not private, something that may be considered odd but not too embarrassing, and something which has some humor even though I'm really not funny.

So here I go.

Oddity #1:  I collected scabs.  Most, but not all of them, were mine.

Okay, so let me explain this rather gross collection of mine which I (thank Heavens!) no longer own.

Back when I was in...oh...grade school (yeah, long time ago), I was quite the tomboy.  Of course, I still played with girl stuff; I am, after all, the middle child of three girls.  But the only kids on the block to play with were boys, and I loved to play outside with them.  We'd play ball in the street, see who could climb walls the highest, and have bike races in the alley racing each other as well as the cars driving on the street parallel to our raceway.  My activities led to more than a few scraped elbows and skinned knees.

And I hate scabs.

I hate how hard they are, how dark and ugly they can be, and how the skin around it becomes red and puckered.  To this day, the sight of a scab makes me want to scratch it off.  Even if it isn't my own.  I don't.  Go scratching at other's scabs that is.  But when I was a kid, I'd scratch mine off as soon as it was formed well enough to pluck, and I'd ask my playmates to give me theirs too.  Most of the time they didn't, but a couple of times I was able to convince the younger neighbor boy to give me his.

I kept all of them in a used (but washed) jelly jar on my shelf.

The one I was most proud of was about the size of a silver dollar and came from my knee.  I still remember how I got the wound.  I was at a summer camp.  We were outside playing on the playground and there was this awesome, oh-so-high, plastic slide.  It was ginormous and looked like a giant green tube going practically vertical from the top of the play set to the wood chips below only turning and flattening out right before you'd hit bottom.  It was awesome.

Well, being the type of kid to try to be better at everything than anyone else, I decided to race some boys on the playground.  The path led all over the playground.  We walked along the top of the monkey bars.  We hopped along the length of the wood bridge.  We jumped over swings.  We ran up slides.  It was so much fun.

Tied with a bigger boy (probably all of a year or two older, but he seemed huge to me at the time) for the win, we approached the last obstacle in our course: the monster green slide.  He got to it before me and started the impossible climb up.  I followed only a foot behind.

Did I mention this was in the Baltimore City, where I grew up?  And it was summer?  And it was sunny and hot?  For those who don't remember playing on slides in the summer heat, the plastic absorbs heat almost as badly as the metal slides.

We, the boy and I, struggled and fought our way up the slide.  I was squeezing past him (the benefit of being smaller) when he must have decided he wasn't about to take the chance of being beat by a girl.  He pushed me.  I lost my footing, fell to my knees, and slid all the way down the scorchingly hot plastic slide.  By the time I fell out of the tube, my palms and one knee were burnt.  My hands only turned red and felt sore for the rest of the day.  But my knee?  My knee was not okay.

The skin over most of my right knee blistered, becoming the grossest shades of green and yellow before bursting and revealing the tender, pink skin beneath.  It was disgusting and painful, but it gave me the BEST scab for my collection.

So, in 2nd grade, when my teacher Mrs. Lepew (really, that was her name) announced our first Show & Tell, I knew exactly what to bring in.  Everyone else brought in the usual: stuffed animals, memorabilia from sports or trips, baseball cards, etc.  Me?  You guessed it.  I brought in my scab collection.  I even took the scabs out and offered to let the kids pass them around.  A frantic Mrs. Lepew made me gather them up and put them back in the jar before too many kids touched my prized possessions.  The most unfortunate thing about that Show & Tell, besides grossing out every person in the class, is that my silver-dollar sized scab got broken in the commotion.

Okay, enough about that.  My collections are more normal now; my favorite being salt & pepper shakers.  Do any of you have unusual items that you used to, or still do, collect?

My Least-Favorite Favorite Phrase

      Really!

Truly!      
       

Yeah, I know. The phrase loses meaning if you utter it too often and for nonsensical things. It was a big issue for me a few years ago. I apologized for everything.



Your parent/child/pet died. I'm sorry.
You lost your job. I'm sorry.
You don't feel well. I'm sorry.
You spilled the milk. I'm sorry.
You can't find your sock. I'm sorry.
You have a booger. I'm sorry.

You get the idea. "I'm sorry" comes to mean nothing...especially when you aren't responsible for nor willing to change whatever it was for which you apologized.

But that's why I'm willing to say it to you now.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry this blog has been so lame. I'm sorry I haven't updated it or improved it or kept my promises to do either of those things these past few months. I have had great intentions but lousy follow-through.

I could make a ton of excuses (all completely valid I assure you (in fact, most of you would be in awe of what I have to deal with everyday)), but I'll save you from the bore of listening to my laundry list of daily to-dos.  Know that I'm sorry, and I'm going to try to do better. Much better. Or as my kids like to say, "much more better."

So, to start things off, I thought it'd be fun to have you guys get to know me a little bit better and (if any of you feel so inclined) to get to know some of you a little better too.  This should be something that I can do every week as I don't have to become creative to tell you something about myself.  I think I'll call this segment...Oddities & Factoids.  Feel free to share your own quirks and tales in the comments if you'd like.  I'll be posting the first one tomorrow.  Really.  It's already written and ready to be queued up.  It'll be here tomorrow, Tuesday, and (hopefully) you'll feel like you know me a little better after you read it.

Thanks to those who've stuck by me even though I've been absent forever. To my nine GFC followers, I LOVE YOU! Seeing your icons on the sidebar makes my day. Seriously. And I hope to 'see' you all tomorrow!