It's so fluffy!

Hello! Me again. It is now the 3rd day of NaNoWriMo. If I have any hope of completing (winning), I ought to have at least close to 6k words for the new story I'd planned to write.

Word count as of 11-3-2012: 0 Zero, Nada, Zip, Zilch

Why? Why have I not even written a single word of the story I've been cooking up and dreaming of for the past several months?

Because I really want to see Lily's story in print one day!

I don't mean to be a snob, and bravo to all those writers who have self-pubbed and found success, but I really want to be traditionally published. In order for that to happen, for one of the big publishing houses to give me any notice, I need a Literary Agent.

I want a Literary Agent like the little girl in Despicable Me wants the unicorn. And I will do everything I can to get one. See, just like this:

Okay, so maybe I won't go blowing anything up, but I am willing to work my fingertips off and squeeze my brain to find ways to improve the story and pique the interest of my Agent-to-be.

So, I've been too busy to NaNo because, on Tuesday, not only do I plan to exercise my right (and duty) to vote, I am also putting Lily's story out there again for an Agent to read and fall in love with. Or, at least, that's the goal. But the previous intro was lack-luster at best and a scratchy bit of toilet paper at worst.

Here is the newest version. I think it's better. I hope it is anyway. As always, any opinions/suggestions are more than appreciated...even if it's to tell me you wouldn't even wipe your butt with it. Just make sure to tell me why. All your criticism helps to make me a better writer and I am forever grateful to you for taking enough interest in me to do that.

Now, without further ado, the first 250 (247, to be exact) words of The Children of Chaos: TELOS


It was going to be perfect.

I had it all planned out. The food. The entertainment. And most importantly, the guest list. It was going to be the best weekend of my life.

“You’ll ruin everything!” Mom’s panicked voice cried out, pulling me from my daydreams of one guest in particular.

I smirked at the mental image of her freaking out over the dust bunny she’d probably just found. She was always in there, toiling away to remove the imaginary layer of dirt she swore coated everything no matter how recently she’d cleaned it. Gripping the door handle, I hesitated going inside and risking her recruiting my help.

“No! Get out! Get out and leave us alone!”

The handle ripped out of my hand and I fell forward. “Oh!” I exclaimed as strong arms caught me. Intending to apologize for crashing into the person holding me, I looked up at the stranger and gasped. “Who…,” the word whooshed out as a sense of familiarity washed over me. “Do I…do I know you?”

A frown creased his brow as he narrowed his eyes. Uneasiness spread through me at his measuring gaze. I tried to pull away from him, but his grip was too strong. “Let me go,” I breathed. He scowled, pulled me closer, and leaned his face into my neck. Like an animal scenting its prey, he inhaled.

“Lilith,” he breathed into my ear.

“Let her go, you, you, you demon!” Mom shrilled, brandishing a wooden spoon.


So, better? More room for improvement? Any and all suggestions/comments are welcome. And thanks for taking the time to read it...again. :)