You decide: Woohoo or Boohoo

Recently, I've been lurking around on the Miss Snark's First Victim blogsite, trying to improve different aspects of my writing and hoping to score some interest from an agent.

So far,

But I'm not giving up.

This morning, the discovery of my first real rejection by an actual literary agent left me completely crushed. See, I'd entered a Secret Agent contest over at MSFV and posted the first 250 words of my story. Any Joe Schmo could leave comments and the Secret Agent would also. If s/he was interested, s/he would ask for more. Sadly, she did not love it. Or even like it. She said it was the worst possible way to start a story and had absolutely NO interest in reading more.

[insert snot-nosed crying and moaning here]

I was shocked. I really thought I had something...amazing. Not the snoozy bore she said wouldn't even encourage her to turn past page 1 (although others said they would definitely read on). I read all her comments on the other contestants' entries and found only a few harsher comments than what she wrote for me (and I agreed with her on most of those).
So, after my initial pity party and woe-is-me moment, I picked myself up, wiped away the tears and snot, and took another look at page 1. Keeping the suggestions of the other commenters in mind as well, I tried to see the story through fresh eyes. What I found shocked me.

They were right!

The issue most readers were having was something I'd been holding onto as the last reminent of the very first draft of my story (back when I was calling it Lily). I have now (for the bazillionth time) revised the first, oh, 400 words and really like the new version. I don't know if the Agent would feel the same (I doubt it), but hers is only one literary agent's opinion.

What is your opinion? Below is the revised first 250 words. (Okay, it's actually 257 words but I couldn't just leave it in mid-)


Abduction was never supposed to be part of the best weekend of my life – neither was dying – but then things seldom go according to my plans.

The weekend started out decent, at least. I stepped off the bus and out into the promise of freedom Friday afternoons held. I moseyed across the suburban road, happy to be home and even happier that Saturday was finally only one day away.

As I got closer to the front door, my daydream of how different this birthday would be from previous ones was interrupted by Mom’s voice. She was in there, toiling away to remove the imaginary layer of dirt she swore coated everything no matter how recently she’d cleaned it. A smile crept up my lips as I gripped the door handle. It was almost time for my ball and this Cinderella had handed in her broom for the weekend.

“Oh!” I cried as I stumbled forward. Strong arms caught me. Intending to apologize for my uncommon clumsiness, I looked up at the stranger holding me and inhaled sharply. “Do I…know you?”

I narrowed my eyes, trying to place his completely foreign yet uncannily familiar features. Tightening his hold, he glared at me, his brilliant green eyes reflecting the sunlight in an unusual halo around his pupil.

I tried to pull away from his grip, away from him and his measuring gaze. “Let me go,” I breathed. He scowled and pulled me closer. He leaned his face into my neck and, like an animal scenting its prey, he inhaled.


So, what do you think? Woohoo or Boohoo? And, if you care to compare, you can click here to read the other boohooed submitted version. Thanks for any feedback! :)

Book Review: SEND by Patty Blount

Send by Patty Blount
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I am a fan!

When I first heard about this book, I knew I had to read it. I tried to win a copy on several blog sites. Before I knew if I'd win, I begged my library to buy this book. They used to honor my requests right away, but for the past year or so, they've been denying most of them due to budget cuts. I was shocked when, two hours after I sent my request, the librarian in charge of adding new books to the catalog contacted me and said to look for it in mid-September. Well, it didn't come in until the end of September, but they did get it and I was the first to have their copy in my hands.

And I LOVED it!

The very first sentence grabbed me, and I knew I was in for a ride. And what a ride. Dan/Kenny is such a likeable character. You know he's supposed to be the bad guy, he messed up and is messed up after all, but you can't help but empathize with and sympathize for him. The secondary characters are well done, too. The mysteries behind everyone's lies continues until the very end, wrapping you up in their troubles and sorrows.

This story is about actions and consequences, mistakes and forgiveness. It's about bullying. Bullying doesn't have to physically push someone in the ground or take their lunch money or give them swirlies or wedgies. It can be done easily, thoughtlessly, and with just a word or a look. Or the click of a SEND button. In this electronic/digital age, the cyberworld holds whole bunches of new issues and problems for our kids to grow up with and deal with, cyber-bullying being one of the big ones. I'm constantly reminding my kids to 'think before you act' in the attempt to help them figure out their life and how they want to live it. The thing is, how many of you would have ever imagined posting an embarrassing picture on the internet would result in someone's death? That by laughing at someone--and getting others to laugh along with you--you were essentially pulling the trigger or tying the noose or dragging the blade or any other number of things people do to end their pain? Could you live with that guilt?

SEND is an amazing story that takes you on one boy's journey through his search for redemption and forgiveness. It's thought-provoking and masterfully done.

And I still want a copy to call my own. I'm trying to win one of the two copies up for grabs on Goodreads as of the posting of this review. If I don't win, this will be one book I plan to purchase to add to my collection--to reread for myself and to share with my kids as they get a little older.

**This book contains quite a bit of foul language (several f-bombs), mentions drug and alcohol abuse, and has a non-explicit sex scene.**

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Book Review: Hidden (Firelight#3) by Sophie Jordan

Hidden by Sophie Jordan
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Maybe I have a thing against the end of a story...especially trilogies. Quite often, it seems the second book is just filler OR the final book just doesn't hold up to the awesomeness that was book 1 and book 2. Sometimes both. Now, I loved Firelight and Vanish. And I really, really wanted to love Hidden just as much. Unfortunately, I didn't.

One thing going for this book is that it is a quick read. After spending nearly a month trying to finish a 354-page book, I was able to finish this 260-page book in about 5 hours. The major problem was that most of story was spent going back and forth: caught then free, caught then free, caught then free; be with Will, let him go, be with Will, let him go, be with Will, let him go. It became kind of tedious. I wanted Jacinda to hurry up and get back to the Pride, but even then the same things happened. I also felt that there weren't any real twists or surprises to this story. There is one semi-surprise near the end, but it wasn't all that shocking. Several of the characters from book 1 and book 2 make a reappearance in book 3, but their parts are very limited. Also, there was one injury/death at the end of the book which I felt was not clarified (see, I don't even know if the person actually died or not).

All in all, I enjoyed reading this end to the series but it isn't one of my favorites by Sophie Jordan. The story does wrap up most of the issues Jacinda faced and has a mostly happy ending. If you've read and enjoyed the first two books in this series, I would recommend reading this to finish out the series...just don't expect to be blown away with the amazing awesomeness that was Firelight.

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Book Review: The Peculiars by Maureen Doyle McQuerry

The Peculiars by Maureen Doyle McQuerry
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I was originally intrigued by the idea of an alternate history/steampunk/paranormal/fantasy novel. And the cover looked so interesting. Unfortunately, I found myself not connecting with these characters...not caring about their problems and wishing they would just hurry up and finish. When I finally read the last line, I actually humphed. "That's it?" The ending was lackluster. Really, the whole story was lackluster. It had such a seemingly unique premise and there were certainly aspects of the story which were unique. They just weren't...interesting.

I was really shocked by how long it took me to finish this book. It wasn't even 400 pages long and it took me nearly 3 weeks. And I wasn't reading something else in the meantime. I wasn't even really working on my own novel much. I picked this book up every spare second I had and...it...just...dragged. The dialog often felt like an information dump or just seemed like a forced conversation. There were other information dumps which weren't dialog and those really slowed the pace of the story down, too.

I'm sure some readers out there will find this book to be a fantastic read. I am not one of them. I don't think I'll recommend this book, even as one to borrow from the library (which is where I got my copy). Happy reading!

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Book Review: A Gift for My Sister by Ann Pearlman

A Gift for My Sister by Ann Pearlman
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Before I begin my review, I would like to thank Inga Kupp-Silberg for generously giving me a copy of this book for review and Pavarti Tyler for informing me of the opportunity.

Here is my very abbreviated synopsis of the book. A Gift for My Sister is a story told from the dual perspectives of two sisters about their struggles with love and life. At first, the two are distant, disconnected, and consider each other almost as strangers -- being only half-sisters by birth. After tragedy strikes, a roadtrip begins the journey of self-realization, acceptance, and healing. By the end of the road to recovery, the sisters are best friends.

Now, A Gift for My Sister does not fall into my typical, go-to genre for pleasure reading, so my opinion of the story may skewed by that fact. That said, I did still find it more enjoyable than some of the YA I've read in the past year. The story had some touching moments, especially when the main tragedy struck the family. I found the worries and concerns of the sisters to be feasible and believable, something essential in this kind of story. The thing that kept me reading to the end was to find out Tara's decision and what the fallout of her choice would be.

My biggest issue with this story (grammatical things and typos aside) was the dialog, both external and internal. I had a hard time, like, believing the characters spoke that way and oftentimes had a difficult time following their conversations. Occasionally, the way the two sisters spoke - and even some of the secondary dudes (characters) - ended up sounding alike. Also, there were moments when the prose shifted from the MC narrating the story for me to her talking directly to me (the reader). I found those moments unnecessary and disconcerting, often kicking me out of the story.

A few, other minor issues, included:

-the chapters: I would have had just one chapter 1 and had a sub header for the parts told by Sky and Tara. Sometimes, I would forget who was telling the story or if I'd read the other character's perspective for the same chapter yet. It was a little confusing.
-the flashbacks/back stories: There were several that I felt were not really needed for the plot to progress. They didn't really help deepen the main characters, just gave them more to think about. I will say that most of the flashbacks were done very well, so they flowed with the story and did give some insight for the reader into that character's motivations.
-the in-depth mention of daily activities/food: I almost didn't read past the first few chapters. The information of the little girl's potty training experiences and saving her successes for her daddy to see...a bit too TMI for me. The details of the sisters' everyday, mundane activities was somewhat tiresome, as well. I understood by the end of the book why the food and it's preparation were so detailed, but that information could have been left out and I would still know just as much about the characters.
-the last chapter: If recipes are going to be given, they should be written like you'd find in a recipe book. If you want to add a story/explain the meaning behind each recipe, that’s fine, but do it either before the ingredients list and directions or after. Don't mix it all up together. And I really like measurements with my recipes, too.

And while those things took up a lot of space in this review, they really didn't ruin the story for me. A Gift for My Sister is a story I would recommend to readers who enjoy realistic fiction, chick-lit, family drama, or a character-driven story.


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Book Review: Tempest by Julie Cross

Tempest by Julie Cross
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Sigh. Once again, I regret having to rate a book. I was actually NOT going to rate it, but what's the point of that? If I'm going to be an honest reviewer, I have to say what I think.

One Star.

I almost wish I could cry. I was SO excited to start this book, as you can see from my update comments posted below. It bugged me at first how similar the cover is to the Hush, Hush series (I remember the first time I saw the book and thought it had the wrong title...bizarre). For the first 200 pages, I had no idea what the title had to do with the book. Not that that's a big deal; some books have titles that make no sense at all, but whatever.

So, the book. Where to begin? I love Sci-fi. Like LOVE Sci-fi. See, I'm 'old school' like that, not SyFy as the channel has changed it. I love exploring other worlds, investigating the supernatural, and testing my ability to pretend to understand the scientific mumbo-jumbo littered throughout the genre. The thing about Sci-fi is it has to be believable. The science has to make logical sense. The premise/plot has to seem plausible. The characters have to be enjoyable (I would've said likeable but some of my favorites have been characters I love to hate).

Unfortunately, TEMPEST falls flat on all accounts. Plus, it completely lacks originality.

The main 4 characters are Jackson (the MC), Holly (the MC's girlfriend), Adam (the MC's smartypants sidekick), and Dad (the MC's 'dad'). Jackson, at first, is a completely selfish jerk who treats his friends poorly and his girlfriend like dirt. We do see some growth in his character as he struggles to figure out how to return to his original timeline AND save Holly. Quite often, his 19/20-year-old character seemed really immature, and other times he sounded more like a 20-something-year-old playboy. Maybe his lack of morals at first explain his behavior and his player attitude, but I found it detrimental to my ability to like him as a character. Holly seemed like three different girls to me. There is the original 009 version (blah, she seemed like the type of girl that would stay in an abusive relationship and cover it up with makeup), the younger 007 version (a little more wild and believable), and the second 009 version (who accepts everything and becomes a wannabe-CIA chick). Adam is there just to fit the pieces of the puzzle together when Jackson isn't smart enough on his own (even though he has photographic and audiographic memory). And then there's the Dad...the most unbelievable CIA agent ever written. Oh wait. No, those would be his co-workers and boss.

~smacks head~ The freaking CIA! If you are going to write about CIA agents, please try to make them seem realistic and not like they fell out of Men-In-Black or some kiddie-Disney show. I get that the CIA guys are tough and wear suits and there isn't much way around that...but honestly, there has to be a better way to create a CIA character than big-tough-dumb-guy-in-suit-with-gun-who-is-after-me-for-no-apparent-reason.

Okay, enough about the characters. Let's look at plot. I was promised "...excitement, romance, and intrigue." I was told to expect "a maze of ingenious twists and turns...[taking] me on a magic carpet ride that will have [me] flipping pages to the end." Yeah, I flipped pages, constantly, but only to see how much longer until the end. It's bad when you've barely made it halfway through a book and you can't wait for it to be over. There was no suspense, no twists or turns I didn't see coming pages away. Jackson is trying to learn more about his time-jumping abilities and in the process learns he's a government experiment whose existence alters the future of the world and his biggest concern is how to save his girlfriend who he actually cares about but treats like dirt. The whole idea of time-jumping as it's portrayed in this story makes little to no sense at all. Different timelines existing in a parallel universe but his 'home-base' is the timeline that's real...says who? And how does he know he's on the real timeline? After the jump he made from the past on a different timeline to the past of his real timeline, several of the characters said things or did things that they wouldn't have known to say or do (nor could they accept) on the original timeline, yet they do anyway. I seriously thought he'd jumped to what he thought was his original timeline but was really another parallel. I somewhat expected him to be lost in the timeline continuum of parallel universes always struggling to find his way home but never quite getting there. Wait. Wasn't that a show on in the late '80s early '90s? Quantum Leap. Loved that show. {tangent} Anyway, the science in this book just isn't well done. It leaves too many questions and answers questions with vague explanations.

And then there's the writing style. I just didn't enjoy it at all. The MC is supposed to be a dude, but he sounds less dude-like and more chick-trying-to-be-a-dude. I mean, I guess I'm not the best judge of what or how dudes think (seeing as how I'm a girl), but I've read other books written by women from a guy's perspective and they seemed so much more realistic than this one did. And the language. My goodness. I understand some characters use foul language and that is just part of who they are, but this felt like it was put in just for the 'oh-my' factor. Same with the sex stuff. Totally unnecessary.

Well, that's enough for me. Suffice it to say, if there is a sequel, I won't be reading it, and I probably won't be watching the movie version of this until it's on instant-download from Netflix.


Oh, here are my status update comments. I don't normally include them on my reviews (and I normally don't write such long reviews either), but I thought it would show that I really grew to dislike the book and didn't go into it looking to hate it.


07/28 page 2 1.0%
"Just started. Nice to have a story with a dude for the main character again. Love my strong, female protags, but it's always nice for a change."

07/30 page 53 16.0%
"So, I'm not loving this as much as I thought I would. The dude is too much like a chick. The plot very GROUNDHOUG DAY meets JUMPER meets CLOCKSTOPPERS or any other sci-fi time travel story. I don't like how things just happen for the sake of happening. And I'm not crazy about the language or the sex. Unnecessary and doesn't add to the character's development at all."

08/03 page 219 66.0%
"Still not loving it, but too far in to quit. Hoping the next 100 pages goes faster. I'm ready to move on to something else."


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Audiobook Review: Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld

Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Wow.

Behemoth was an excellent read (listen) and a fabulous installment in the Leviathan series. One thing is for sure, Scott Westerfeld knows how to write action-packed scenes.

Behemoth continues the story of Alek and Deryn (aka "Mr. Sharp"), introducing new allies and beasties who help overcome the obstacles the two face in their attempts to play their parts in the Great War. I love how everything that happens seems plausible and (somewhat) inevitable for the characters. I really enjoy the mix of fact and fiction in this incredible historical steampunk story.

I really like sci-fi and action stories, but I LOVE when a story has a hint of romance in it. And Deryn's growing affection for Alek (and his complete oblivion to it) really fits the bill for me. Deryn's feelings for Alek and her desire to follow orders often don't mesh so well, and it's really interesting watching her decide how to balance the two. I adored the moment they were alone in the hotel room and Alek confided his last secret to Deryn. And I have to say, the scene after the battle had me grinning. ;D When you read the story, you'll know what I'm talking about.

I'm so excited to see what happens in the next book, Goliath, and super glad I already have it loaded on my iPod!

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